this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I love you.
Bad choice
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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