I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
