Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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