i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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