I have demons in me.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize