dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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