the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
