I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Dick very happy bro
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
