my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
