My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I am naked and annoyed.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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