Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
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