Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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