Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
