I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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