Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
