he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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