So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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