Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize