Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
The air taste purple.
Randomize
