hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
