the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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