Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
