I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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