it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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