Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
my nose is crying tears of wow.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
