her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
