Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
