Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize