He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
