just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
