Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
