dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
