Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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