Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
