I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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