i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
