Plan B is the new Plan A
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
