you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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