im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
