My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize