It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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