Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
it glows. i had to have it.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
