Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
