I forgot how hot balto sounded
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
