I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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