On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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