3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
