i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
