Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
