There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
