Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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