Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
