Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize