well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
