I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
