Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I got chris browned last night
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
