I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize