The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
