you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
