I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
