I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I just found a bag of teeth...
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
