can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
