i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
